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Foutje? Ik kan er (later) om lachen

Posted on 28 May, 2019 at 9:40
Foutje? Ik kan er (later) om lachen Joehoe! Tijd voor mijn tweede blog en ik heb er zin in. Dus ik leg mijn Okidootjes voor me op tafel en ga rustig zitten om het onderwerp van deze week uit de stapel te pakken. Ik trek het kaartje: Foutje? Ik kan er (later) om lachen. Meteen gieren er allemaal gedachtes en gevoelens van afkeuring door me heen. Hoe kan ik dit kaartje nou trekken? Hier kan ik toch geen verhaal over typen? Snel passeerde er allerlei situaties de revue en geen leek er geschikt om te koppelen aan deze uitspraak. De moed vloog me al snel (even) in de schoenen en ik was bereid om het kaartje terug te leggen en mijn goede idee, om mijn blog op deze manier vorm te geven, op te geven. Zie je wel, het was toch niet zo een goed idee (ik voel de teleurstelling en mijn schouders gaan al hangen). Gelukkig was er ook een stemmetje in mij dat zei: niet opgeven, er is vast een reden waarom dit gebeurd. Op dat moment werd ik me bewust van een onprettig gevoel in mijn buik. Onprettige gevoelens ga ik het liefste uit de weg (als je de andere kant op kijkt dan zijn ze er toch niet?), maar ik heb inmiddels geleerd dat de weg er naartoe of doorheen het meest effectief is om ze voorgoed te laten verdwijnen. Dus ik besloot te voelen wat dat nou eigenlijk is voor gevoel in mijn buik. Het voelde als een soort muur, een soort afkeer, een stukje van mij dat zich afzette tegen deze stelling en helemaal niet bereid is te lachen om foutjes die ik maak. Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! Dit is het stemmetje in mij dat mezelf afkeurt voor het maken van fouten, misschien soms wel afstraf, mezelf voor mijn kop sla, mezelf afvraag hoe ik nou toch zo stom kon zijn om dat te doen, dat had ik toch kunnen/ moeten weten, enz. Tjonge, jonge, dit stukje van mij is nog nooit zo bewust aanwezig geweest als nu. Hoi, innerlijke criticus in mij, leuk kennis te maken. Ineens schiet er door mijn hoofd dat dit toch in het verlengde is van wat ik mijn kinderen probeer aan te leren. Ik probeer ze te leren dat foutjes maken mag, dat foutjes maken helemaal niet erg is en foutjes zelfs nodig zijn om nieuwe dingen te kunnen leren (zonder fouten te maken doe je alleen maar dingen die je al kan). Lijkt me erg prettig namelijk om op te groeien met deze wetenschap. En hoewel ze dit hardop kunnen verwoorden, zie ik geregeld aan ze dat ze het vaak wel degelijk lastig vinden om fouten te maken en daar en rotgevoel van krijgen. Maar hoe kan dat? Ik, en de juf of meester trouwens ook, zeggen toch tegen ze dat het niet erg is en toch voelen ze zich naar. Ergens gaat het mis, maar waar? Opeens moet ik van binnen lachen (zoals op het kaartje, hahahah). Het kwartje valt en nu zie ik het! Het foutje zit in mijn denkpatroon. Er gaat helemaal niet mis, sterker nog, het klopt precies wat mijn kinderen doen! Ze doen mij namelijk exact na. Ze imiteren alleen meer van mij dan waar ik mezelf van bewust ben. Ze imiteren ook mijn blinde vlek, dat moeilijke gevoel waar ik me vanaf heb gedraaid zodat het niet lijkt te bestaan. Wat een eyeopener! Dank je wel voor deze wijze les en de mogelijkheid nu een andere keuze te maken als ik een foutje maak. De volgende keer zal ik proberen net zo lief tegen mezelf te zijn als ik tegen mijn kinderen ben en zeggen tegen mezelf dat het oké is om een foutje te maken en dat ik daarvan wat kan leren. Hoe reageer jij op foutjes die jou zoon of dochter maakt en matcht dit met hoe jij in jezelf reageert als je zelf fouten maakt? Wat zou jij je kinderen gunnen? En wat is de boodschap van jouw kinderen aan jou? Graag help ik jullie bij dit soort vraagstukken.

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